Fiction / Humor
Date Published: August 27, 2019
Hope Allison McKinley died. Or, at least everyone thought she did. When she suddenly wakes up in the middle of her own funeral - to the shock of all her loved ones - that is just the beginning of her problems.
Reawakened, Hope now sees what everyone really thought of her. The casket is cheap, the flowers suck, and she’s wearing an outfit she wouldn’t be caught dead in! It’s her worst nightmare come true and all hell is about to break loose.
In Woke Up Dead, Hope is faced with the enormous task of putting her death behind her and rebuilding her life. Having to overcome being a YouTube sensation and being shunned by her family, she slowly comes to realize that this is going to be a long, difficult, frustrating road.
If you ever wondered what would happen if you Woke Up Dead, let Hope Allison McKinley walk you through the trials and tribulations in a story that will have you dying to read more.
Present
Day
The day I woke up dead was the day my life changed forever.
Yeah - you read that right. Lol. I mean, I can laugh about it now. It was no
laughing matter then. A few years ago I actually woke up at my own funeral. How
is that even possible, you ask? Trust me, I’ve asked that same question myself.
I’ve never received the full story. Some details I’ve been able to piece
together. Some details I gave up ever learning. Here’s what I’ve gathered.
I was sick. I’d been under the weather for a couple weeks
but pressed on like I always did. I’m single. Chronically single. With no one
to share the load, downtime is a luxury I simply cannot afford. On most days I
go about my daily grind giving myself the usual pep talk: “I HAVE to work. I
have bills to pay. Rest is overrated.
I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”
At least, that USED to be my mantra. Not so much anymore. Anyhow, I had symptoms of
the common cold. It could have even been bronchitis, but I never felt bad
enough to go to a doctor. I know my body and this didn’t feel serious. I
doubled up on my holistic meds and vitamins and kept going. Until one day, I
couldn’t. I remember waking up and my body just ached. I tried to make it to
the kitchen to get some water, and I guess my body just gave out. I collapsed
right there on the kitchen floor.
I don’t know for sure how long I was out but the consensus
seems to be about two days. I don’t talk
to anyone regularly so that determination was based on my Facebook postings. I
post religiously, daily. There was a 53 hour lapse between my last post and the
time the landlord unlocked my door for the police wellness check. Somewhere in
there I slipped into a coma. By the time paramedics arrived my heart rate and
breathing were nearly nonexistent, so naturally they thought I was dead. The
medical examiner was called in to do his rituals, then I was shipped off ... to
the morgue! I still can’t figure out how several departments and numerous
people missed the fact that I was sick, but not DEAD! Apparently there’s a lot
more incompetence in this world than I realized.
Whatever took place at the morgue has never been revealed to
me. Every inquiry I made was met with the brick wall of HIPAA laws, privacy
policies, and office procedures. I can’t tell you how many times in the past
year I’ve screamed, “It’s MY privacy you’re supposed to protect and I’M giving
you permission to tell ME what happened to ME when I was laid up in your
morgue!” Needless to say, I’m still fighting that fight. I guess somewhere
along the way, they froze me. Or maybe just kept me slightly chilled. Aside
from what’s shown on tv dramas, I really have no idea what goes on in those
mysterious places. I just thank God no one asked for an autopsy. That probably
would have done me in for real.
Once I arrived at the funeral home I was put in the care of
an inept embalmer. Somewhere between his penchant for cocaine and loose lady
visitors, he failed to embalm me for the service which was quickly scheduled to
take place mere days after I arrived. Thank God for another big miracle! Who
knew sex on the job could be a life saver? Ultimately, his actions would cost him his career … and
his marriage, but the distraction of his side chick saved my life.
After his part of the process was “complete,” I rolled down
the rest of the assembly line. Hair, makeup, outfit, arrangements, then it was
on to my big day. That’s what I’ve been able to piece together from various
accounts. Now let me take you back to how it all started, from my perspective.
I hate the idea of being kept in a box. I have always had a creative flair and delight in quilting, writing, and occasionally dusting off my flute. Over the past decade, I've served my clients and community as a family law attorney. I genuinely love serving, but being devoted to others can often leave one feeling drained and unfulfilled.
In 2019, a mind shift happened. I decided to unchain myself from my desk and nurture my need to create. I stopped living the life others expected of me and started chasing my dreams. In September of 2019, my first book, Woke Up Dead, will be available for purchase. It is an amusing, tongue-in-cheek novella about a young woman who wakes up at her own funeral, to the shock of those in attendance, and soon finds that getting back to life as normal is nearly impossible.
In my spare time, you can find me traveling, creating, attending concerts, and drinking my sorrows away after the latest Buffalo Bills loss. I also attend as many P!nk experiences as I possibly can. (She does not do concerts ... she creates bucket list experiences ...).
If you want to be the first to know what I'll do next, please follow me on social media and sign up for my mailing list and nadiagilkes.com
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thanks for hosting #rabtbooktours
ReplyDeleteThis sounds like it would be a really funny read, Best wishes on your new release.
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