Honest Lessons on Life, Love, and Leveling Up
Date Published: March 24, 2026
Publisher: Acorn Publishing
In You Got This!, personal and professional development coach Lisa Bartley shares candid advice and empowering mindset shifts—through sharp honesty, laugh-out-loud moments, and the kind of wisdom that only comes with experience. Bartley tackles what no one prepares you for—setting boundaries, navigating relationships, rebounding from failure, and finding the courage to go after what you really want.
This is not a guide to becoming perfect. It’s a guide to becoming powerful on your terms.
If you’ve ever felt stuck or like everyone but you got the memo on adulthood, this book is your reminder that growth is messy, clarity takes time, and no, you’re not behind . . . you’re just getting started.
You Got This! is a must-read for every woman standing at the threshold of the rest of her life. It’s the permission slip, pep talk, and playbook every woman needs while figuring it all out.
INTRODUCTION
It takes a village to raise a child. A village to nurture a
teenager. And a village to cheer them on throughout adulthood. Yet, in recent
decades, that village has practically become extinct. Economic pressures have
left families feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and overstressed with little
time and energy to support and cheer on the next generation of powerhouse
women—leaders, creatives, rock star moms, trailblazers, and community
enthusiasts. Digital communication has replaced face-to-face interaction. And
while social media may give the illusion of connection, it doesn’t offer the
same wholehearted encouragement, wisdom, and insight that communal and
multigenerational relationships once did. And then there are those who feel
isolated due to relocation, depression, divorce, and tragic loss. Where’s their
tight-knit tribe? And who can they look to when facing important—and sometimes
life-altering—choices?
The landscape of the proverbial village has changed, and the
shift has left a hollow space—one that begs to be filled. Consider the
following:
- Women
today have more career opportunities than ever before . . . but less of a
village to help them seize those opportunities confidently and
assertively, without second-guessing themselves.
- We’re
feeling more empowered to pursue our passions . . . but have less of a
grassroots cheering squad shouting, “You Got This!” from the sidelines.
- We’re
encouraged to lean in . . . but we’re hearing fewer communal and societal
words of wisdom when we miss the mark—a community rallying around us,
reminding us that strike three doesn’t mean we’re out.
This good news–bad news dichotomy raises the question, Where
can women find support and sage advice when navigating the decisions, the
triumphs, the hurdles, the self-doubt, and the ebb and flow of early-to-mid
adulthood?
The village has shrunk, while the need for it has expanded.
Honest Lessons on Life, Love, and Leveling Up is my
contribution to the diminishing village. After coaching thousands
of people over the past fifteen years, raising a son and daughter, and yes,
having the perspective of seeing my own twenties and thirties in the rearview
mirror, I’ve gained insights that—if time travel were possible—I would have
excitedly shared with my younger self. Instead, I’m sharing them with you.
Originally intended as a literary blueprint for my daughter,
Madison, I started jotting down bullet-pointed life lessons. Some of those
lessons I learned the easy way, some the hard way, and others by simply
observing the cause and effect that played out among friends and family. As a
mom, I felt a deep desire to help my daughter make smart choices; to give her
the benefit of everything I had done right as well as the benefit of everything
. . . Well, let’s just say everything I would have done differently, had there
been a do-over. I also wanted to bequeath maternal words of wisdom from my mom,
Norma, and her mom, Grandma Libby. Sure, societal norms have changed over the
years. But human nature has not. This would be a gift—my gift—to
my daughter.
I continued to scribble down thoughts, mentally
fast-forwarding to the time when these insights would have the greatest impact
on the trajectory of her life. One day, I realized this “gift” had book
potential. Women just like you—in the throes of life-defining decisions—could
benefit from practical generational guidance, along with the assurance, You
Got This!
The pages that follow have been a work in progress for over
twenty years and therefore the content has evolved over time. Let me explain.
In my role as a personal and professional development coach and trainer, I’ve
had the privilege of helping men and women across all walks of life uncover
blind spots, overcome challenges, and close the gap between who they are
now and who they want to be. And I say “who” they are and “who” they
want to be instead of “where” they are and “where” they want to be because we can
only alter where we’re going by first recognizing and adjusting who
we’re being; who we’re showing up as in our day-to-day lives. It’s always
exciting to see the transformation! The thrill of being part of that process
never gets old. Bolstered by their newfound confidence, clients have made
bolder moves, improved the quality of their relationships, and become the
architects of their own lives. I’m excited and honored to help you do the same!
Interestingly, throughout the years, some patterns began to
emerge, especially among my female coaching clients and workshop
participants. As they articulated their goals and visions—along with their
fears and frustrations—it became clear that the Five Pillars of Empowerment™
were necessary to support their dreams and aspirations: Self-Confidence,
Courage, Assertiveness, Resilience, and Self-Acceptance. Courage, as I define
it here, is the willingness to acknowledge your worth, step out of your comfort
zone, take risks, and pursue your passions.
As I was refining You Got This! and developing the
Action Steps for each chapter, I began to intertwine the Five Pillars of
Empowerment with some of the biggest challenges women are facing in their
twenties and thirties: dating; self-respect; setting boundaries; relationships
with friends, family, and colleagues; learning from life’s disappointments;
following their dreams; and reaching their full potential.
While each vignette-style chapter focuses on a life lesson
in one of those areas, the chapters are also designed to help you build one or
more (usually more!) of the Five Pillars of Empowerment. Again, they are
Self-Confidence, Courage, Assertiveness, Resilience, and Self-Acceptance. To
help you remember these pillars and establish a benchmark to review and measure
your progress, I’ve developed the acronym SCARS, as in the battle SCARS we
invariably and proudly develop as we step into the arena, à la Brené Brown, and
play full out!
In Part One: The Dating Game, I’ll share practical advice
like “Avoid the Tendency to Overcompensate for Previous Relationship Flaws” and
“Don’t Date Sprinters If You’re Looking for a Long-Distance Runner.” In the
life lesson, “Love is Like Being in a Boxing Ring,” you’ll discover you can’t
guard your heart and leave it open at the same time, along with strategies to
help you “get back in the ring.”
One of the biggest decisions you will ever make is choosing
a life partner. In fact, studies show that fulfilling relationships lead to
higher levels of happiness. And the choice of a life partner has a profound
effect on a person’s overall quality of life. Yet, many women find the right
one to be elusive. That’s why The Dating Game is its own section and includes
pitfalls to watch out for; warning signs, many of which others did not
consider. Even if you’re already married, I hope you’ll still read through this
section. I promise there will be something helpful and entertaining you can
share with your single friends and relatives.
In some ways, You Got This! evolves right along with
you.
Part Two: Respect Yourself/Setting Boundaries/Kindred
Spirits focuses on themes that set a foundation for fulfillment and future
success. You’ll build confidence as you find your voice in the thick of
unfamiliar or uncomfortable conversations. For example, in chapter 27,
“Confrontation Doesn’t Have to Be Confrontational,” I share a six-step process
to help you assertively and fearlessly navigate an otherwise difficult
exchange. You’ll also learn in chapter 23 why “Invisible Boundaries Are Worse
than No Boundaries at All.” And if you’re struggling to forgive someone, I’ll
explain why forgiveness is not simply a gift you give the other person, but one
you give yourself.
The three themes in Part Two are interrelated. Self-respect
is the value we place on ourselves. And the boundaries we set—or fail to
set—reflect that value. Both are foundational to building and maintaining
“kindred spirits” with our friends, family, and colleagues. There’s an
abundance of research correlating clear boundaries with confidence, personal
growth, mutual respect, career advancement, mental health, and lower levels of
stress and anxiety. According to one study in The Journal of Positive
Psychology, women who set clear boundaries have better coping strategies
and can navigate difficult situations more effectively.
Among the biggest regrets people report later in life is not
having reached their full potential or not having pursued their passions when
they were younger. Part Three: Strike Three Doesn’t Mean You’re Out/Follow Your
Dreams/Step Into the Best Version of You is all about reaching your full
potential in spite of—and sometimes because of—hurdles and
disappointments along the way. In “Run Your Own Race,” I encourage you to
compete against yourself instead of competing against others. One approach
encourages continuous growth and the other tugs on your insecurities. In
“Accountability Makes No Excuses,” you’ll find there are varying degrees of
accountability and why choosing the top tier is really the only option if you
want to elevate your relationships and your reputation. In the life lesson, “We
See Exactly What We’re Looking For,” we’ll explore the concept of Intentional
Perspective and the importance of adjusting the lens through which we view
relationships, work, and opportunities.
While I certainly offer plenty of tips and advice, I also
pose lots of questions designed to help you take a deeper dive into your
choices and the motivation behind them. Questions that build your critical
thinking muscle so that your personal development journey extends far beyond
the pages of this book. Questions to inspire you to be the best possible
version of yourself . . . and to empower you to support and
mentor other women to do the same.
What you can expect from this book: a series of lightbulb
moments, sparked by stories, insights, tips, and strategies to help you claim
the life, the love, the respect, and the opportunities you want and deserve.
What not to expect: While there are many noteworthy
books that explore religious, political, and social issues, I’ve chosen to
focus on topics that unite, rather than divide, us. That being said, most of
the Action Steps in each chapter can be applied to a variety of situations.
Although much of the content in this book is relevant to
men, it has been written with a female audience in mind. I hope to foster a
spirit of women helping women. We need each other. We need the village. And
while you’re not my daughter, you are someone’s daughter.
And that’s reason enough for me to want to contribute to you in a meaningful
way.
I’m grateful you’ve chosen to invest in this book, and more
importantly, that you’ve chosen to invest in yourself. Throughout the pages
that follow, I’ll share forty-six micro life lessons along with no-nonsense
Action Steps to help you put insights and advice into practice. Names (and
sometimes details) have been changed to protect the
innocent . . . and the guilty. Although You Got
This! can be a solo journey, please consider reading this with a friend, or
even an “accountabili-buddy.” Supporting each other and exchanging experiences,
past and present, will help you to see your growth, and your life, as a journey
instead of a checklist. Besides, everything’s better when we share it with
someone—except, maybe, that last serving of Häagen-Dazs Vanilla Swiss Almond!
I’m rooting for you to lean in. To claim your seat at the
table—whether that’s the conference table, the kitchen table, the negotiations
table, or the round table. I’m rooting for you to come into your own and step
into the best version of yourself with confidence, optimism, and the unwavering
belief that You Got This!
Lisa Bartley is an author and award-winning speaker who helps women break free from their comfort zones and step into the strongest, truest versions of themselves.
You Got This! began as an attempt to record words of wisdom she wishes she’d heard in her early adult years. Now, in its completion, it stands as a legacy of lessons written for her daughter and for every young woman finding her way.
Lisa lives in Southern California where she prefers her hikes coastal, her wine bold, and her dinner parties unforgettable.
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