Memoir
Date Published: April 21, 2025
Publisher: MindStir Media
Winner of the 2025 Literary-Titan Book Award (Memoir)!
Winner of the 2025 Firebird book award (Addiction and Recovery)!
Winner of the 2025 Firebird book award (Mental Health)!
Finalist, 2024 Literary Global Book Awards and American Writing Book Awards!
I believe Improbable and Extraordinary will be an extremely influential book - it's rare to see such a personal and raw account of mental illness, and then the continuous (and in this case, unique) process of overcoming it. Overall, an outstanding and moving manuscript...The flow is excellent and engaging and the voice is very strong. A true accomplishment!
Megan Patiry, author of The Alice Effect.
Escaping the torment of depression, anxiety, mania and addiction: Saúl's memoir is a powerful testament to the strength of the human spirit, showing how even when it seems unattainable, transformation is possible. Once tormented by the crushing grip of bipolar disorder, depression, severe anxiety, anger, and addiction, Saúl shares the raw, unflinching truth of his battle with mental illness and trauma.
Through a profound exploration of love, not as a romantic ideal but as a fundamental force, and by adopting practical, yet challenging principles, the author discovers a path to inner peace and freedom. Saúl's candid reflections on overcoming a deep, persistent darkness reveal the possibility of peace, freedom, and personal growth.
This memoir doesn't just chronicle survival; it celebrates the power of transformation. Saúl's path through addiction and mental illness reveals that true peace and freedom are within reach, even for those who have lost everything.
By sharing his experience, Saúl aims to inspire understanding and hope, and communicate that healing is not just possible but transformative. This book is a beacon of hope for anyone wanting to find hope for themselves or someone they love.
From co-author, Dr. Erika Horwitz, Licensed Psychologist:
As Saul's sister, I witnessed his torments and struggles and his amazing transformation! As a psychologist, I understood the enormity of what he achieved-moving from a place of deep mental illness to stability, inner peace and wisdom. His story is inspiring and a testament to the amazing ability of human beings to transform. It's a story that offers hope to anyone facing mental health challenges and their loved ones. I knew it was essential for Saul to share his story, and I believe it will resonate with anyone who believes in the power of transformation."
FOREWORD
One minute ago, I finished yet one more review and edit of
this book. As I sit facing a window by the ocean, bald eagles dance in front of
my window as if in celebration with me. This book is a very honest, humble, and
real account of my brother’s life as he moved from the depths of darkness to
the light. Having been part of his life since I was born, I can attest to the
truthfulness of the story. The pages contained in this book may feel shocking
at times–and they are. Very few of us are willing to share our deepest inner
thoughts or worst actions, particularly when they may appear horrible to
others. This book is my brother’s gift to the world. I feel full of love and
admiration for him. In fact, he is my hero.
Years ago, Saúl (pronounced Saool) and I were talking over
coffee at an outdoor café, and I felt compelled to convince him to write his
story. I was so in awe of his transformation that I felt his story had to be
told. I am a psychologist in private practice; a doctor in psychology who works
with folks who struggle with a range of mental health problems or issues in
their lives. I have taught at the graduate level for over twenty years and was
the director of a large counselling service at a sizeable university in Canada,
where I supervised staff and graduate students for over twelve years. And I had
never ever witnessed a miracle like this one. I use the word “miracle” because
it seems that way. However, I must clarify that the miracle only happened with my
brother’s hard work and commitment to his healing and willingness to look
inside.
I think that the reason why this book is so important and
powerful is because it tells a story of pain, wrongdoing, hurt, and personal
flaws with deep honesty and openness. Many memoirs or personal stories of
struggle are often about what has been done to the writer. What they have
endured in their lives. Now, this book does speak about what he suffered as a
child and adolescent, but it also speaks about what he struggled with that led
him to wrongdoings. It is about his honest acknowledgement that he has many
flaws of character, and how he is now able to not give in to the many impulses
these flaws generate. This book is about the most honest account of the inner
world of a boy, adolescent and man who struggled with more than negative
thinking. His description of his inner world gives a look inside the experience
of someone who has bipolar disorder, which was likely complicated by the many
abuses he endured as a child.
I am three years younger than Saúl. Some of my early
recollections of him are of him being beaten by my dad. I was four years old or
so when my dad beat him with his belt to the point of leaving welts all over
his back. I remember hearing him beg and plead, “No more, please, no more!!!”
and my father kept hurting him as if he was an animal (in fact, my father never
even treated his dogs like that!). By the time my father stopped, and my
brother came to the room where Javier (our other brother) and I were sitting on
the bed, horrified at what was going on in the living room, his back had welts
all over, just like the slaves I have seen in films. He was only seven years
old or so.
But other memories are of his curiosity and intelligence. He
used to be so curious, wanting to take apart anything that had any kind of
mechanism he couldn’t see. Whether it was my mom’s radio that played by putting
a coin in a slot or his toy machine gun that made the sounds of a machine gun
(toys that were acceptable at the time), he was full of life and curiosity. I
remember him playing Batman and Robin with Javier (he was a leader, so he
always had to be Batman). Once in a while, I was allowed to be Cat Woman, which
for me was the most exciting thing, since my brothers were my heroes. He was
playful and creative.
I remember him being good at any sport he tried: baseball
and swimming, for example. He had the strongest arms of anyone I knew. He could
pick me up to the ceiling by holding me by the elbows as I folded my arms. He
was Javier’s big brother, the leader, the one that watched over us when our
parents were not home (and I mean when he was seven or eight years
old–different times. My mom would go out and have him watch Javier and I). And
one day, his light turned dark. Our big brother began to disconnect, to isolate.
We did not know what was wrong with him. My father just called him lazy; he
used to say, “You need persistence and to follow through.” My mom did not know
what to do with him. And little by little, our brother, who was the curious,
full of life kid, left us.
As the years went by, his character and his personality
changed to the point that it was hard to relate to him. He was self-absorbed,
inappropriate and aggressive with his words, dark, impulsive and unable to keep
up with school. We saw little of each other as adults because we lived in two
different countries (me in Canada and him in Guadalajara, Mexico). But the few
times I saw him in later years, he was just difficult to be around. He talked
non-stop. It was impossible to get a word in. He was quite authoritarian in his
manner, grandiose and immature emotionally. At times, he would disconnect for
long periods of time due to his depression. He avoided talking to us and we
avoided calling him (due to the discomfort of talking to him because he was
just not well).
I won’t go into the details that he will share with you in
the book. But for me, his mental illness made it impossible to have a close
relationship with him. And yet one day, my mom told me that his family had
asked him to move out and that he had no place to live. I got into gear and
called Javier and told him we needed to help him. He was out there with no
money and no place to live. We started sending him money to make sure he was
safe. One little aside here: When we were kids, we used to have meetings, the
three of us, to talk about problems in our family or with our parents. In one
of those meetings, I remember the three of us were sitting in my bedroom, and
we declared ourselves THE THREE MUSKETEERS. We promised we would always be
there for each other no matter what. This was one of those times.
Some years went by. I knew my brother Saúl was getting help
from an A.A. group and that he was living in one of their rehab homes. I knew
he had gone to the residential farm where they really practice tough love to
get these folks to get better. And then, about eight years ago, I had the
opportunity to spend more time with him because I was travelling to Campeche,
where he lives now, several times a year because one of my daughters
now lives there.
Oh my God!!! As I spent time with him, the transformation
was beyond anything I could have imagined possible! And let me say, he was not
bullshitting me. I could see he was walking the talk. He transformed into
someone who knows how to listen. Who has so much wisdom. Who lives with a type
of humility that is rare. Who trusts and accepts what happens. Who is honest
and self-aware. Who accepts life as it is. Who takes responsibility. Who owns
his mistakes. I was in awe. After all, he has bipolar disorder. But he is not
on medication. And he no longer presents with most of the symptoms he had:
hypersexuality, grandiosity, deep depressions, mania with out-of-control
behaviors, non-stop talking, flight of ideas and inappropriate and impulsive
words and behaviors. I was completely amazed and touched deeply by his
transformation. He is truly my hero. I go to him for wisdom and guidance now. I
would have never, ever believed this was possible.
As a practicing psychologist with a doctorate, having seen
hundreds of patients, supervised other therapists’ cases, and taught in two
universities, I had never witnessed a transformation like this in someone who
had bipolar disorder and transformed his life without medication. It is truly a
story of hard work and miracles. A miracle, not necessary in the religious
sense, but in the sense of something unlikely, almost impossible, coming to
reality. This is the story of my big brother, Saúl.
So, I convinced him to write this book. We worked on it at
times when he felt confused, or a bit lost with it, or when he had stopped
writing for a year. You will learn what that is about for him as you read the
book. I have travelled the journey of writing the book with him and it has
brought me even closer to him. Reading and working on the book with him has
touched me deeply not only because he is my brother but because of his courage
and humility in writing his story. His voice in these pages is powerful,
touching, courageous, and full of wisdom and hope. He is truly an amazing human
being. I am so grateful that his suicidal crisis never ended in his death. This
book is his gift to the world.
Erika Horwitz, Ph.D.
About the Authors
Saúl Horwitz
Saúl Horwitz is an addictions expert and counsellor for people in rehabilitation and recovery. From an early age he had to struggle with his personality due to suffering from bipolar disorder. Suicide attempts, suicidal crises, depression, euphoria, and other drastic changes in his personality prevented him from leading a normal life like that of others. After receiving help from a non-traditional AA group, El Despertar, not only did he transform many of these symptoms, but he also became a skilled counsellor to those afflicted by addiction and mental illness.
Erika Horwitz, Ph.D.
Erika is a Licenced Psychologist working in private practice in Vancouver, British Columbia Canada. In addition, she is an author, public speaker, university lecturer, and certified Mindfulness Teacher. She was the former Director of Counselling Services at Simon Fraser University. She is currently the President of the Board of Directors at the British Columbia Psychological Association, the Vice-Chair at the Council of Professional Associations of Psychology and a council member at the American Psychological Association. She wrote Through the Maze of Motherhood: Empowered Mothers Speak. In her leisure time she loves meditation, reading, movies, working out, and spending time with her amazing husband, her family, and friends.
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