Nonfiction
Date Published: March 3, 2025
Publisher: MindStir Media
Childhood trauma leads to perseverance and personal growth in this empowering memoir.
Born into a world shrouded by multi-generational cycles of abuse and child marriages, Donna Simmons navigates a harrowing landscape of pain and betrayal, detailing the challenges that devastated her early years but ultimately did not define the person she became.
Through poignant storytelling, she shares both moments of despair and the small victories that fueled her resilience. Each chapter reveals the transformative process of healing and self-discovery, touching on the importance of embracing nature, finding solace in creativity, and connecting with a community. Ashes to Flame recounts a powerful, deeply personal, and transformative journey from the ashes of childhood trauma to the vibrant light of purpose.
“You don’t actually think you can change the law, right? I
mean, you’re really naive if you do.” I have certainly had
my
share of adversity, but this comment hit me harshly, as it
was coming from a woman who proclaimed herself to be a
feminist and
women’s rights advocate, serving as the director of the city
government’s
office for women where I lived. And her deflating yet
inflammatory
comment came on the heels of my very first time speaking out
at a
human trafficking awareness conference at a local
university. During
this speech, I filleted my veins wide open, recollecting my
own personal
experience of being married off at sixteen years of age to a
man in his
early thirties, the same man who I met at a time when he was
in a
position of authority over me at the behavioral health
facility I had
been admitted to only two years earlier. In this speech, I
also disclosed
publicly for the first time the exploitation I suffered as
result of this
marriage. Yet somehow this woman had the audacity to
proclaim that
this fire burning so brightly inside of me to fight the laws
that allowed
and perpetuated these actions, nearly destroying me in the
process, was
culpable of naivety.
I wish I could share with you that I had some clever quip
back, but
I did not at the time. The only thing I could do was bite my
tongue, quite
literally, and allow the hot flush that engulfed my pale
skin to happen, as
there was no controlling it. I knew better than to listen to
— much less
give energy to — those who would have me believe I was
incapable in
any manner. I had already proven so many people wrong, as
statistically
I should have been an addict, chronically living in poverty,
or some combination
of the two. This is what childhood trauma does to people.
This
is what child marriage does to people. This is what sexual
exploitation
does to people. And having survived it all, I was determined
to stop it.
My ultimate goal in 2016, the divinely guided purpose of my
life’s
mission during that season of my life, was to change the
state laws that
allowed child marriage to occur through parental consent or
judicial
exception. In my own experience, my mother’s consent to me
marrying
this much older man who she allowed me to begin dating when
I was
just fourteen opened the door to my entrapment in an
extremely abusive
and coercive relationship for the years to follow. Yes, with
the stroke
of a pen, the man I married at sixteen — who I now refer to
as my
perpetrator — was granted a literal license to continue
sexually abusing
me, an act that without this signature and the laws that
allowed it could
have been prosecuted as statutory rape.
Laws that perpetuate the cycles of sexual abuse, oftentimes
multi-generational cycles, are ultimately perversely
immoral. And so it
is to starkly attempt to shut down the efforts of survivor
leaders in the
fight to protect upcoming and future generations from the
darkness we
blindly crawled our way through to break these cycles once
and for all.
Those who abused us sought to silence us. Those who mock our
efforts
to make this world a safer place are seeking to do the same.
For me,
and many other survivor leaders I know, this adds fuel to
our fire, and
we will not smolder to ash without putting up a fight with
every bit of
resilience our minds and bodies can muster. I had to do this
for nearly
the first twenty years of my life to survive. And I will
continue to bring
this forth when necessary now. The stakes are too high to be
stagnant
and complacent.
Speaking out for the first time at that conference was a
catalyst for
so much to follow that would have me visiting multiple state
capitals,
giving testimony to legislative bodies, providing multiple
interviews
with local, national, and even international reporters, and
even appearing
in a documentary highlighting the problematic prevalence of
child
marriage today. My story shines a light on the uncommonly
understood
fact that child marriage itself is a form of human
trafficking. In my case
specifically, being married to a pedophile positioned him to
be able to
traffic me in strip clubs and exploit me through other
means. Yet I could
not prosecute him in my early thirties when I first found
the strength to
do so, as the state laws in Indiana, where my abuse by this
perpetrator
initiated, held a statute of limitations that too much time
had passed.
At every turn, instead of the laws being geared to protect
me as
a child, the loopholes within them ultimately protected a
sociopathic
pedophile from prosecution. This individual does not deserve
to have
his name spoken or known, as in doing so he would be granted
a sense
of the undeserved illusion of power and prestige. This is
how his abusive
and perverse mind operates and I refuse to indulge that in
any capacity
any longer. Therefore, throughout this text you will find I
use three terms
to acknowledge him: my perpetrator, the pedophile, and the
parasite.
He was my perpetrator as he groomed my underage mind and
body,
the pedophile that abused me in heinous ways, and the
parasite whose
imprint I can never fully escape despite having been away
from his toxicity
for years now, as the impact of trauma he imposed upon my
life is
a ghostly stain I can never fully shake. These hideous terms
are the only
ones befitting of him.
I write this memoir with the intention to form a coalition
of
survivor leaders working together with arms linked as we
deepen our
healing through community with each other and work toward
ending
the laws and other systemic failures that perpetuate crimes
against those
vulnerable to abuse and exploitation. There are so many
opportunities
for change within our society. Legislation governing
underage marriage
laws and state level statutes of limitations that place
burden on the victim
of atrocious crimes to come forth before it is
psychologically safe enough
to do so must be addressed. Exploitation within mental
health institutions
and other helping professions must be more thoroughly
researched
and acknowledged, with perpetrators held accountable.
Systemic change
across these focus areas is critical for traumatic cycles to
have opportunity
to cease within families and communities as a whole.
Everything is
interconnected with mental health and trauma recovery
residing at the
core of the issues at hand.
It is my belief that when we survive atrocities, we have a
responsibility
to find purpose in the events that changed us — or perhaps
molded us if the abuse began very early on in our lives. The
duration of
this lifetime on Earth is so very limited, but we must be
mindful and
focused on the legacy we choose to leave for generations to
come. The
imprint we make on this world will be experienced long after
our last
breath, meaning we can plant seeds for trees we may never
enjoy shade
from, gratefully knowing our descendants will. For me, these
trees are
the ability to create a life one does not have to spend
years recovering
from, as I have.
One thing is for certain. Regardless of those who would have
me
dilute my voice, I will continue my efforts to bring an end
to the antiquated
laws that perpetuate crimes against children.
About the Author
My name is Donna Simmons, and I’m a wife, mother, author, and avid advocate for breaking cycles of generational trauma and mental health recovery. As a Governor appointed member of the Kentucky Juvenile Justice Advisory Board and member of the Bakhita Empowerment Initiative Advisory Board, I work with public servants and providers across the state to support a reduction in juvenile system involvement and strengthening protective factors for high risk youth. My passion for this work comes from my direct experience as a child abuse survivor, involvement in a behavioral health facility when I was 14, and resulting grooming and exploitation by a 29 year old mental health professional who I was married off to as a child.
In my healing journey, I have recognized that true trauma recovery can only occur when we are willing to examine the generational cycles that keeps us bound in harmful patterns. My mission is to help others transform their trauma into purpose so they can break these cycles and reach their full potential as individuals and parents.
Contact Links
Instagram- @transformingashes2flame
TikTok- @ashestoflame
Purchase Link
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